The Impact of Deep-Rooted Losses
And how they influence your life.
When you’re triggered, how do you respond?
Do you simply react in the moment—or do you pause, breathe, and get curious about why this particular situation has arrived? What learning or healing might be hidden within it?
That’s the calm, rational part of our brain speaking. And for the most part, I like to think that’s how I handle things. Unless, of course, the trigger has pain attached to it. Then all bets are off—grief floods in, big time.
I’ll come back to that story in a moment. But first, I want to share something else that cracked something open for me.
A Meditation That Changed Everything
I once joined a meditation with Rosemary O’Donahue, and she asked us a simple question:
“What do you want to let go of?”
Out loud, I said: Pain.
Then she asked:
“And what do you want to let in?”
That question stopped me in my tracks. Letting go? I do that work all the time with clients. Reframing, shifting perspectives, releasing what no longer serves. But I had never truly thought about what I wanted to invite in.
I whispered, Peace.
And instantly, hot tears slid down my cheeks. I was finally allowing myself to grieve something I had been holding onto. Saying it aloud shifted something that had been stuck inside me.
The Trigger That Followed
Later, another trigger arrived.
Triggers can feel like obstacles—or gifts. Most of the time, I try to see them as gifts. Opportunities to reflect, to ask: Why has this memory or feeling arrived now?
But this one hit hard. It came in the form of a photo on Facebook.
Close friends—people who had always been there for me—were gathered for a special occasion. I hadn’t been invited.
Logically, I knew it made sense. I was in Ireland at the time, so I couldn’t have gone anyway. But still, the image hit me in the chest. It brought up grief, pain, and a deep sense of being excluded.
I journaled. I spoke to my coach (who immediately saw through my “I’m fine” mask and gave me some homework). I didn’t want to carry that pain forward into my friendships. So I sat in meditation, asking:
What is this really about? What do I need to release so I can let peace in?
And then it landed.
It wasn’t really about the photo at all.
It was about my husband’s death—nine years earlier.
Realising What I’d Been Carrying
When he died, so did the dynamics of my friendship group.
At first, they rallied around me. The couples included me. They held me in that circle of love and support. But over time, things shifted. Gatherings became “just the girls,” and I was left on the edge of what once felt like home.
Without even realising it, I had been fighting to hold onto those dynamics. For nine years, I had been carrying the weight of that loss—desperately wanting things to stay the same.
But they weren’t the same.
And they never would be.
Sitting there, I realised I had to grieve another aspect of my husband passing, I had to grieve also the friendship dynamics as they had been, to allow for what they are now. To let go of what was, so I could embrace what is.
And in that letting go, I finally found peace.
What About You?
So, let me ask you:
• What have you been struggling with in your relationships?
• Where are you holding on tightly, trying to keep things the same, when in reality they’ve changed?
• What would it feel like to release that struggle—and allow something new in?
A Simple Process to Try
Here’s what has helped me, and what I often share with clients:
1. Acknowledge the trigger.
Is it a recurring feeling? An image that stirs sadness or heaviness? Don’t dismiss it. Notice it.
2. Let it go.
Visualise it like a scene from a movie. Ask yourself: What have you come to show me, so I can release you?
3. Journal it out.
Let the feelings speak. Do not just analyse logically—feel them. Often, they’ll point to something deeper that needs grieving.
4. Decide what you will let in.
Peace? Healing? Calm? Love? Breathe it into your body. Surround yourself with it. Claim it as yours.
And most importantly—remember you do not have to do this alone. If it feels too heavy, reach out for support.
A Few Gentle Reminders
• It only takes 9 seconds for a thought to take root—and 17 seconds for it to spiral into an emotional loop. Catch it early, and you can shift it.
• Beliefs are just thoughts you keep repeating, with feelings added in. Change the thought, and you begin to change the belief.
• Change is constant. You can fight it, or you can find strength in it.
A new life is waiting on the other side of what you release.
If any part of this has stirred something in you, please do not push it down. Get curious. Breathe into it. Allow yourself the gift of healing.
Much love,
Di 💜